For my dear friend L4MB

Years ago, in Toronto, there was a man named Richard. He married a girl named Ethel. Not the best looking girl, in fact far from it; some people used to say upon seeing the couple, “Hey, Richard. Who’s the guy you’re with?”. That was an insult. But he loved her. And he loved Jesus! That’s right, he was a minister. A Pentecostal minister. In the suburb of Toronto called Scarborough. This was years ago. In fact, they still had wagons. He wasn’t a very good minister, in fact, the congregation was very small.

He had 3 children. Edward, Montague, and Anthony. And sometimes typical of minister’s children, they had troubles; In fact they had lots of troubles. The first year they saw hockey in that area, in Toronto (that’s in Ontario) the young boys fell in love with...Toronto ice hockey. But they weren’t allowed to play because you see, Richard said it was against God. They had better make use of their time doing God’s work. And that wasn’t on the ice.

In a fit of outrage, Edward killed and ate 17 hamsters, which much to the upset of the community, was particularly devastating to Richard and his ugly wife. And Montague, having seen what his brother had done, decided that he would not follow in those footsteps, he would do something much worse. He set fire to every Christmas tree he saw. That’s right, there would be no Christmas in Scarborough. Although there rarely is. And Anthony, may have been the worst of all. He put firecrackers in frog’s mouths. He thought it was funny. It wasn’t. And these 3 boys were banished to western Canada, never to be seen again. And as their father Richard said, wherever these boys go, Hell will follow them. He wasn’t wrong, they went on a spree of killing, drinking, and looting, and never stopped until they died.

Their curse, would follow them, the ugliness, and the horror, until they finally died. Where did they die? In a place a lot of people don’t want to go. They wonder why it is so terrible. In fact it is like the Bermuda Triangle; you go there, and you don’t feel well. People there tend to be ugly. They don’t have teeth, but they have mullets.

You’re saying, well, where could this be?

Western Canada is so beautiful. If you’ve been to Calgary, Alberta, you know what I’m talking about. The mountains, even the people are beautiful. But if you go north…

Ahhh, you say.


Edward, Montague, Anthony. Could that be Ed-Mon-Ton?

So the next time you go to Edmonton, and say, “We’re going to Hell”, you’re not kidding.

Here's a quote from "Extra Lives" by Tom Bissel, a book I am currently reading about the cultural significance of video games. In it, the author travels to Edmonton to interview some people at BioWare, which is headquartered here.

Godforsaken is often used to describe the worlds woebegone landscapes. But to say that God has forsaken something, there must be some corresponding indication that God has ever shown an interest in it, and, in the case of Edmonton, Alberta, this is not immediately apparent.

Pretty harsh.

hoo boy. Too true.

Another disturbing story on these forums. I'm getting quiet used to these.

I know this thread is nearly a month old but couldn't help but ask where this story is from?

Myth700 wrote:I know this thread is nearly a month old but couldn't help but ask where this story is from?

Mike Richards on the Fan 960, a sports radio station in Calgary, Alberta.

Patty wrote:

Myth700 wrote:I know this thread is nearly a month old but couldn't help but ask where this story is from?

Mike Richards on the Fan 960, a sports radio station in Calgary, Alberta.

The thing is that there's a big rivalry between the city where I live and the city where Patty lives. He abuses me every chance he gets and I pretend not to care, but in reality it's why I cry myself to sleep every night.

L4MB wrote:

Patty wrote:

Myth700 wrote:I know this thread is nearly a month old but couldn't help but ask where this story is from?

Mike Richards on the Fan 960, a sports radio station in Calgary, Alberta.

The thing is that there's a big rivalry between the city where I live and the city where Patty lives. He abuses me every chance he gets and I pretend not to care, but in reality it's why I cry myself to sleep every night.

hahah Yeah I understand, pretty good story for a sports radio station.

L4MB wrote:

Patty wrote:

Myth700 wrote:I know this thread is nearly a month old but couldn't help but ask where this story is from?

Mike Richards on the Fan 960, a sports radio station in Calgary, Alberta.

The thing is that there's a big rivalry between the city where I live and the city where Patty lives. He abuses me every chance he gets and I pretend not to care, but in reality it's why I cry myself to sleep every night.

It's okay, your shitty hockey team cries themselves to sleep every night too.

Patty wrote:

L4MB wrote:

Patty wrote:

Mike Richards on the Fan 960, a sports radio station in Calgary, Alberta.

The thing is that there's a big rivalry between the city where I live and the city where Patty lives. He abuses me every chance he gets and I pretend not to care, but in reality it's why I cry myself to sleep every night.

It's okay, your shitty hockey team cries themselves to sleep every night too.

You're one to talk. Not only do we have the best football team in Canada, but we have the best hockey team in Canada. Bitches don't know 'bout my home team pride.

Lol I have no major sports teams!

I once played a football video game though!

I am one to talk. They fuck great players like Hall and Eberle over.

I should get some hockey tickets soon. Bitches love hockey tickets.

Patty wrote:It's okay, your shitty hockey team cries themselves to sleep every night too.

Pfft. They might, but they are being spooned by your gay-ass hockey team. How far ahead are you now? Oh, right. 2 points.

Sorry, I couldn't hear you from the bottom of the Western Conference.

Patty wrote:Sorry, I couldn't hear you from the bottom of the Western Conference.

Sorry, I couldn't hear you from the top of my division.

Patty wrote:Sorry, I couldn't hear you from the bottom of the Western Conference.

Dammit, that was my point. You are one *ONE* win ahead of us. At least MMC has a foothold. You're just grasping at straws.

So my team was winning the game the other day....

http://www.nhl.com/ice/standings.htm