Funny Papers

**Patty** Thu Nov 04, 2010 1:49 am

These are samples from essays my Poli Sci prof has gotten in the past. He's absolutely hilarious, and saved all of these just for the lulz. I realize that L4MB and Monkey are the only ones who will understand the Canadian ones, but keep reading until the end. They get outrageous.

Enjoy.

Province-building may sound like a negative thing, but it is all the rage.

There are three separate components of this vision [i.e. Confederation]. The first is that of the Confounding fathers that felt the federal system should have a strong central government with the provinces being nothing more than glorified municipalities!

Climactic disparities also demand divisions separating some parts of Canada from others.

Conservatoryism is one of the main Canadian political ideologies.

[A fill-in-the-blank-exam question] TheCCF's (controversial) 1933 statement of principles was called:
A) 'Politics for dummies'
B) 'Borg assimilation'
C) 'Long live J. Stalin'

Canada has a severe case of regionalism.

The party leader had little direct or hands-on involvement with the press, given his responsibilities, but spent a great deal of time guiding his favorite organs.

She [Cairine Wilson] only wanted to be thought of as a person, and really who could blame her?

For example, in 1885 and 1890 they [the Conservatives] had Louis Riel executed...

We can attribute the success of the Liberals to the fact that they have appealed to more voters than the Conservatives.

To asses, what has caused this development of the party one must look at both what the party is putting forward and the political environment into which they are putting it forward.

One of the biggest reasons contributing to the rise and continued success of the Reform party is the demise of Brian Mulroney and the collapse of the conservatives.

Sir John A. Macdonald was one of the better known Conservative leaders.

Reform plays this sentiment in their political platform of defecate reduction.

Federalism is important because Canada, the country we live in, was created because of federalism.

Ever since New France ceased to be a sovereign state and became part of British North America the people of Quebec have been fighting to remain culturally and linguistically separate from the English beings that surround them.

Canada started off as one of the most Federal countries in the world and was considered very centralized.

This [Family-class immigration] is significant as there are limits on immigration, the more family class immigrates who are accepted can meant less people being accepted who's problems in their home country has in part been caused by Canada.

Some examples [of federal Cabinet portfolios] are the minister of fisheries and oceans (may he rot in hell) and the minister of Employment and Immigration (him too)

To be able to check the leading ruler is merely an improvement on an old arbitrary system of which was as corrupt and stale as moldy cheese.

We no longer need to behead our leaders to create change in government.

Organizations offer courses that enable people to understand incomprehensible elements of society, such as gay lifestyles and drug dependencies.

What good does licking up a 14-year-old in adult prison bring?

Canada is seen globally as the 'couch potato' and the U.S. as the wife who brings us the fattening snacks.

The dominant Christian religion was much stronger in those days, and converting the native was seen as saving their soles.

The French justice system that has standard legal tradition of courts and is based on the civil code derived from the legal system of Empirical Rome.

An American example [of legislative intent] is the 'right to bare arms'.

During Kim Campbell's failed run for the office of Prime Minister, she stopped in Calgary to do some campaigning. A reporter at a press conference asked her if she had an abortion or not. This question would have never been asked a male candidate.

These laws meant that a woman either didn't have sex or were basically baby machines for about one hundred years. This forced women to have abortions underground.

The British have had a monarch for as long as I can remember (not that I'm really old or anything) but they still have a monarch today although many other countries have done away with hereditary positions.

Soon the quickening fetus became an offence. Therefore, the law on criminal abortion was first codified in England in 1803, when the abortion of a quick fetus became a capital offence, while performed prior to quickening incurred lesser penalties.

Environmentalism...tries to create a hormonal balance between the environment and human interaction.

In 1867 a doctor’s bag contained a scalpel, ether, and perhaps a leech or two.

An example of an adjudicative function would be if your neighbour sues you because your pet poodle ‘Foo-Foo’ keeps going poo-poo on his lawn.

If an individual decides to disobey an order from the Godfather he may be reminded that he may have to sleep with the fish in his new concrete underwear.

Standing is the principle of being able to sit in on a case.

Natural rights come from natural law. The right to life is one hell of an example.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

History, as we know, is always bias, because human beings have to be studied by other human beings, not by independent observers of another species.

During the Middle Ages, everybody was middle aged. Church and state were co-operatic. Middle Evil society was made up of monks, lords, and surfs. After a revival of infantile commerce slowly creeped into Europe, merchants appeared. Some were sitters and some were drifters. They roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organized big fairies in the countryside. Mideval people were violent. Murder during this period was nothing. Everybody killed someone. England fought numerously for land in France and ended up winning and losing. The Crusades were a series of military expaditions made by Christians seeking to free the holy land (the “Home Town” of Christ) from the Islams.

After the refirmation were wars both foreign and infernal. If the Spanish could gain the Netherlands they would have a stronghold throughout northern Europe which would include their posetions in Italy, Burgangy, central Europe and India thus serrounding France. The German Emperor's lower passage was blocked by the French for years and years.

An angry Martin Luther nailed 95 theocrats to a church door. Theologically, Luthar was into reorientation mutation. Calvinism was the most convenient religion since the days of the ancients. Anabaptist services tended to be migratory. The Popes, of course, were usually Catholic. Monks went right on seeing themselves as worms. The last Jesuit priest died in the 19th century.

Great Brittian, the USA and other European countrys had demicratic leanings. The middle class was tired and needed a rest. The old order could see the lid holding down new ideas beginning to shake. Among the goals of the chartists were universal suferage and an anal parliment. Voting was to be done by ballad.

A new time zone of national unification roared over the horizon. Founder of the new Italy was Cavour, an intelligent Sardine from the north. Nationalism aided Itally because nationalism is the growth of an army. We can see that nationalism succeeded for Itally because of France's big army. Napoleon III-IV mounted the French thrown. One thinks of Napoleon III as a live extension of the late, but great, Napoleon. Here too was the new Germany: loud, bold, vulgar and full of reality.

World War I broke out around 1912-1914. Germany was on one side of France and Russia was on the other. At war people get killed, and then they aren't people any more, but friends. Peace was proclaimed at Versigh, which was attended by George Loid, Primal Minister of England. President Wilson arrived with 14 pointers. In 1937 Lenin revolted Russia. Communism raged among the peasants, and the civil war “team colours” were red and white.

Germany was displaced after WWI. This gave rise to Hitler. Germany was morbidly overexcited and unbalanced. Berlin became the decadent capital, where all forms of sexual deprivations were practised. A huge anti-semantic movement arose. Hitler remilitarized the Rineland over a squirmish between Germany and France. The appeasers were blinded by the great red of the Soviets. Moosealini rested his foundations on eight million bayonets and invaded Hi Lee Salasy. Germany invaded Poland, France invaded Belgium, and Russia invaded everybody. War screeched to an end when a nukuleer explosion was dropped on Heroshima. A whole generation had been wipe out in two world wars, and their forlorne families were left to pick up the peaces.

The Middle Ages slimpared to a halt. The renasence bolted in from the blue. Life reeked with joy. Italy became robust, and more individuals felt the value of their human beings. Italy, of course, was much closer to the rest of the world, thanks to nothern Europe. Man was determined to civilise himself and his brothers, even if heads had to roll! It became sheik to be educated. Art was on a more associated level. Europe was full of incredable churches with great art bulging out their doors. Renaissance merchants were beautiful and almost lifelike.