If I had a monkey

If I had a monkey, I would make him a monkey suit. Then if anyone said "That's not a real monkey, it's just a monkey suit", I'd say "I bet you fifty dollars it's a real monkey" and they'd say "that seems like a reasonable bet, you're on", my monkey would take off the monkey suit and they'd pay me fifty dollars. I would buy drugs with the money. For the monkey. So he wouldn't mind spending his life in a monkey suit.

If I had a monkey, I'd teach him to steal, rape and murder. Just like every other monkey does. Always living in their low income housing with their rap and hip hop music.

lol

If I had a monkey, I would teach it to sing Katy Perry songs. Then if Katy passed out on stage again I would be able to save the day by having my monkey finish the concert for her. The concert promotors would probably give me free tickets and promotional gifts. Katy would be so thankful that she might send me an autographed photo and I could sell it on eBay for fifty dollars. I would buy drugs with the fifty dollars. Not for the monkey, for me.

Siriusa wrote:If I had a monkey, I would teach it to sing Katy Perry songs. Then if Katy passed out on stage again I would be able to save the day by having my monkey finish the concert for her. The concert promotors would probably give me free tickets and promotional gifts. Katy would be so thankful that she might send me an autographed photo and I could sell it on eBay for fifty dollars. I would buy drugs with the fifty dollars. Not for the monkey, for me.

If Katy was thankful she might give you a lap dance, or a BJ, or hell maybe even both.

RZRsharpKLR wrote:

Siriusa wrote:If I had a monkey, I would teach it to sing Katy Perry songs. Then if Katy passed out on stage again I would be able to save the day by having my monkey finish the concert for her. The concert promotors would probably give me free tickets and promotional gifts. Katy would be so thankful that she might send me an autographed photo and I could sell it on eBay for fifty dollars. I would buy drugs with the fifty dollars. Not for the monkey, for me.

If Katy was thankful she might give you a lap dance, or a BJ, or hell maybe even both.

Or drugs!

Siriusa wrote:

RZRsharpKLR wrote:

Siriusa wrote:If I had a monkey, I would teach it to sing Katy Perry songs. Then if Katy passed out on stage again I would be able to save the day by having my monkey finish the concert for her. The concert promotors would probably give me free tickets and promotional gifts. Katy would be so thankful that she might send me an autographed photo and I could sell it on eBay for fifty dollars. I would buy drugs with the fifty dollars. Not for the monkey, for me.

If Katy was thankful she might give you a lap dance, or a BJ, or hell maybe even both.

Or drugs!

That's more likely. Katy only wears revealing clothing because its part of her persona. In reality, she'd never actually show off her boobs.

If I had a monkey, I would teach him how to do my hair - using the appropriate amount of product. I would then set the alarm for him to get up half an hour before I do and do my hair while I am still asleep. This would either give me more time in the morning or allow me to spend more time sleeping. I would just waste the extra half hour anyway so probably better to sleep but as I usually don't rock up to school till seven thirty or so, I could try leaving earlier. This would give me more time to write about what I would do if I had a monkey.

If I had a monkey, I would name it Brendon. I would shave the monkey and buy a yellow shirt for it and teach it to write inane posts on the Power Forums. Occasionally I would burn the monkey with a cigarette lighter but not to cause enough damage to detract it from it's primary goal; impersonating a retard.

I would have my monkey rob houses and graffiti the town in hard to reach places. All of you would know the turn to my house cus it would say "this way fuckers" he would also smoke because smoking is cool.

Obviously having your own monkey would be fantastic for a whole host of reasons and as they are quite intelligent, yet unable to speak, they learn quickly through beatings while being unable to tell anyone about the beatings.

Siri, we're running out of good ones.